Should I Stay or Should I Go

People, treat us differently to others, just because we wear black clothes or our hair is dyed, they judge us without knowing who we really are. I am one of those people who loves to wear band merch and rock out to my music in my room.  People judge me all the time. That is one of my biggest fears, to be judged. People should not be scared to do different things or to be who they really are.

We are already scared to explore the world don’t make us more scared of ourselves. This makes me think that, what if we leave what if we just want to disappear. Who’s fault would that be ours or theirs. They made us feel terrible about ourselves. They made us second guess our own existence. Who will be held for our disappearance.

Sometimes the fiction has more facts. Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge…  We are hurt, destroyed and broken. Sometimes we want to see the revenge, they must understand what we felt, the pain.

So should I stay or should I go…



A message to brown eyed girls

Yes, her eyes are blue. Yes, every love song is about them. Every poem compares them to the sea. But you, you have eyes of amber and onyx. Your eyes are gold, people desperately try to pull them from the ground. Her eyes may hold depth of the ocean but your eyes carry a weight too heavy for the ocean sweep away into its abyss. Your eyes are anything but ordinary.


I hate it with a passion. But in reality I have to deal with it. I was told that in a year or so I will be moving I was excited but shocked.

I’m not ready to let go of what I have, I’m scared to be forgotten. I want to escape and start new but I don’t know. I’m afraid of staying goodbye I’m afraid of the new. I know it is  good to be around new things, and its healthy to try new things. I’m scared that people will forget, what if I forget.I don’t want to forget. I want to remember, the memories the good and the bad. I don’t want to let go. I’m scared, if I let go, will I get left behind. Stuck in the past


Will my friends still remember me in 10 years I don’t know what to do. I know I will be close to my sister but I’m leaving behind everything ,family, friends and memories. I’m not ready to move on. I know it is apart of life and I have to deal with it. I’m an emotional wreck. I’ll be moving across the world from everything know. I am so scared.



Will I be okay, I don’t know, hopefully ?

Change sometimes is a good thing and sometimes it is bad but for reason to help us become a better person…


Them vs Us

Society is a pain in the ass. It controls us in a way that we hate on each other. In reality that destroys people’s will to live and succeed.

One thing that is always in my mind is that ” stand up what you believe in, even if it means standing alone”. What I learned growing up is that people will hate on you, trust me I was on the verge of wanting to end it all with the hate. But after realising that ignoring them can help so much. This chick hated me she wrote  a book on Wattpad saying how I betrayed her and in school I am the emo kid that stills listening to MCR and that says a lot.

But in the end people change us even though if it is  good or bad. People say let go of the past it will distract you from the future. I say keep the past, it might be dreadful but it is apart of who you are. Your past shapes you into becoming the best person you are. And I think that makes  us different `than them.

A frontman of Pierce The Veil said “Just wait things out. Things won’t be bad forever. I promise”.

Have faith.

I’m alive

When I was a young I was very sick, I had allergies, asthma but it was to the point where I was rushed to the hospital.

My sickness took over me then when I was nine when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto Thyroiditis. It was terrible, I was starting to gain weight, I was getting really tired, bad muscle pain but, the worst was the depression  and it killed me emotionally.

I remember when I was 10 and I couldn’t go out side for 2 months because I was Allergic to grass and trees it made me feel like I was dying.

I didn’t know what do with myself. I have asthma and that is the tipoff the ice burg, I had to be on steroids for 10 years, lets just say it was hard for me. I had to deal with a lot of body shaming in school, and also having depression just kicked  me down even more.

Earlier this year this went to a specialist and was diagnosed with diabetes. This means I couldn’t eat like other people. I could only eat protein and veg, so no carbs and no sugars.

Then I’m also under the high chance of blood clotting, so that’s fun…

I had to stay positive it was very hard, but I did it after all these years I’m actually alive. Stay positive guys. Find inspiration to live. If I can do it anybody can do it.




Music Pt 2

Music is our soundtrack to our lives. It keeps us going to the end of our time. Music gives us great musicians and great bands. And they gives great quotes to live by.

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end you end up polished and they end up useless.”
― Andy Biersack BVB

“Stand up for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.”                                        ― Andy Biersack BVB

“Never underestimate a girl’s love for her favorite band. Never think even for a minute, that she won’t defend them to her death. Because it’s not just the music that makes that band her favorite. It’s the guys, the gals. It’s the fans. People whom of which she has interacted with thanks to the band. That band might of saved her life, or just made her smile everyday. That band has never broke her heart and has yet to leave her. No wonder she finds such joy in her music.”
―Alex Gaskarth  ATL

“6 feet under stars is a place that doesn’t exist. It’s a place in your mind where everything and anything is possible. It’s a place with no rules or limitations. It’s a place where only 2 people can be at a time where no one can judge them and no one can try to break them apart”
― Alex Gaskarth ATL

“Failure should be a way of learning not a lifestyle”                                                                             -RM

Bands helps us in ways we don’t see it. They keep us positive and going in our everyday lives. Things like these don’t get recognized, but in a fandom everything gets recognized. so thank you music for keeping me going in my dark times.



I am not concerned that you have fallen. I am concerned that you arise. 

He looked at me then, his black eyes drilling into mine. I couldn’t help but think – I’d never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.

On this moonless night even the silhouettes are gone. The usual friendly smattering of stars is obscured utterly by dense cloud. Ordinarily he would stay in the old bank on a night like this but the Happy Boys took every pharmaceutical in the store. That’s going to be the highest form of currency pretty soon, not to mention he might need the drugs  someday. They are hauled up in what was once the police station. By day they are thick over the streets of the Eastside, armed to the teeth and firing bullets randomly into buildings or at strangers for target practice. He is betting that by evening they are drunk and by night they are passed out. He can’t assume they aren’t smart enough to leave a sentry on duty, so despite the first bite of winter in the air I will have to be slow, silent, unseen.

The blackness takes over his soul leaving him hopeless and numb.


This band shaped me to the person I am today, I became a member of this family in 2014, and it was very hard for me because I knew that I will never scream back the lyrics that helped me to them in concert.  Yes I know I joined the fam late, but I’m having fun and enjoying the ride of the MCR.

So yesterday I  saw the video for ‘The Ghost Of You’ for the first time and I cried. It makes you think that one band can make you feel amazing things. This band has a sound that no one has, this band started it all. MCR makes me feel at home and at peace with everything. MCR is one of two bands that makes me calm in a tough situation.

When I joined the Fam it was hard to deal that they broke up. Then few years later MCRX. This changed everything. This was a reprise of The Black Parade and I was crazy this was my joy. Lets just say this band, a phenomenon helped me become better.

So thank you My Chemical Romance for being there when I needed you.

Other Kids

All the other kids are no different from us, just a little confused and looking love.

Music is my muse. It keeps me going everyday. I think without music I wouldn’t be here. trust me, I’ve been through a lot.  I always had the dream to be a musician, playing bass with my band and hearing the crowd sing back the lyrics I wrote.

But, reality kicked me in the ass. and I was told I couldn’t do that and I had to choose something that will get me far.

It’s very hard when you want to accomplish something when your parents disapprove of it.But, I guess that’s apart of life.

One thing that I learned from my music idols is that you should not be afraid of living and sometimes you have to walk the world alone ( if you’re true MCR fans you would where this is from).

Other kids. Sometimes they are better than us, and sometimes they are like us, hopeless dreamers. We all want the same things, to find happiness. But some of us want hope and freedom. We want to be different, we want to learn and strive.

But sometimes we have to fall to know how to get up and start again.

Music a piece of my soul. My saviour.

I’m just like the other kids, just looking for love.